Some Stories Don’t End, They Circle Back

Six months after I held space for a father as he welcomed his first child into the world, he returned that grace to me in the most unexpected way. We were strangers brought together by birth.
And then, one ordinary day at a park, we became bound by something far deeper.

What happened that afternoon reminded me that midwifery is never just about mamas and babies — it’s about people. It’s about community. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, the love you give finds its way back to you in the moment you need it most.

We lived in a small town named Lake Stevens. It was a smallish community, with low crime, and a place you didn’t mind letting your kids play outside all day. Simply put, it felt completely safe. We loved it there and that is the reason we stayed for thirty years.

When Bri was thirteen or so, she asked to go to the beach with a bunch of her friends to hang out. It was overcast and a bit chilly, so I knew they wouldn’t want to swim, so I agreed to let her go. Being the youngest, Wade begged to go with his sister. Bri, being the kind, big sister that she was, she agreed he should go too.

I was leery of that.

I was worried if the boys were rough housing and weren’t paying attention while walking on the dock, they could accidentally push little Wade into the water. Yes, he knew how to swim, but that wasn’t the point. So, reluctantly I said no.

Bri was as determined when she was a girl, as she is now and she provided a good argument as to why she thought it was completely safe for seven year old Wade to go too; they weren’t planning on swimming at all, she was responsible and would keep a good eye on him. He didn’t need a life jacket. And she promised with a mischievous grin that reminded me of her dad, that if she broke any of our rules, we could ground her for life.

I could see that she really wanted to be a big responsible sister. Wade was so excited about the thought of going with the big kids. He too promised he could be grounded until he was twenty-one! But he had to add, “Please please don’t make me look like a baby and wear a life jacket, Mama!”

Bri’s friends thought Wade was such a cool kid, I knew he would have fun with her and her friends. I reluctantly agreed on one condition: they were to stay OUT OF THE WATER. No exceptions. In addition, Wade must wear his life jacket for the whole time. If they couldn’t agree to these simple rules, the deal was off.

AND. If I found out, they broke those rules at all, there would be profound consequences. Rick thought I was overreacting, but per our agreement, we always backed one another up. I convinced myself it would be fine.

Still, I had an uneasy feeling.

That evening, when the kids got home from the park, they told a harrowing story that left Rick and I speechless. They were talking so fast and so animated that it seemed a bit embellished. Nevertheless, if all of it was true, my son nearly choked to death!

Their story went like this: they were having fun eating their picnic lunch and then some of the kids had candy – Jolly Ranchers. Wade was slowly sucking on one and it was still it’s full size when one of the boys greeted Wade with a hard pound on the back that startled him and caused Wade to suck in his breath. The candy got stuck in his throat. At first, he was embarrassed and didn’t want to cause unwanted attention to himself.

It didn’t take long for him to realize he couldn’t take a breath. That was when he got scared and ran to Bri. At first, he threw himself into her arms and instantly she was concerned. She asked him what was wrong, and he pulled back holding his neck. He was crying, but no sound was coming out of him!

Bri intuitively knew he was choking, and his face was almost purple red. None of her friends knew what to do! There were no adults around that she could see to help. They didn’t have money for the pay phone to call 911. (No cell phones back then!) So, she did what anyone would do. She started screaming for help!

She yelled, “HELP US! MY BROTHER IS CHOKING! MY BROTHER IS CHOKING AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! HELP”

Her panic increased when he fell to the ground and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head! Now, she is screaming and crying, as her friends huddled around Wade unsure of what to do and scared of what was happening right in front of their young eyes.

Out of nowhere, a man came running up with a fishing pole in his hand. Bri screamed at him what had happened, and he instantly lifted unconscious Wade. He was limp and still the man managed to do the Heimlich maneuver on him several times to no avail. The man laid Wade back onto the ground, seeming unsure what to do next. Wade’s face was turning from purple to blue, almost gray. His eyes were closed. The man picked up Wade again, gave one more powerful thrust and the candy flew out of Wade’s mouth!

Relieved, Bri ran to her baby brother, fell to her knees, and held him until he caught his breath. Once he was breathing normally, he really started to cry, burying his face in his hands as he told Bri, “I thought I was never going to see mama again!”

The story sounded so scary, but Wade seemed to be doing fine. And we didn’t want to add to their terrifying experience, so we focused on the positives and told them how thankful we were it ended happily.

Fast forward a few weeks. One of my sweet families came in to see me and show me their beautiful little girl with bright blue eyes. I had attended her birth about six months before. They didn’t have a lot, and it was obvious that life hadn’t been that kind to them. The dad lacked self confidence and seemed to try to be “less than” so he wouldn’t draw attention to himself. But, one thing was certain, he loved his partner and his baby dearly.

Behind me on my desk was a picture of our four kids. She asked to see them up close. As I handed her the picture, she put her hand to her mouth in horror and started to cry. She turned to him and said, “Scott (name changed) that is the little boy that almost died at the beach when we were fishing!!”

Instantly, I began to tear up as they told their version of the story which was almost identical to Wade and Bri’s story. With the exception that being so young, thankfully neither one understood that Wade was dying in that man’s arms!!

I still get goosebumps when I think of Scott’s words, “After I tried a few times, I put him down because I was afraid that if I did it much harder, I would break his ribs. But then I realized if I didn’t, that little boy would die! So, I picked him up and did my hardest thrust and the candy popped out!!”

By this time, I am weeping and feeling immense guilt that I didn’t respond with as much concern as we should have to their incredible story! Overcome with emotion, I jumped up and hugged him to me thanking him again for saving my baby!

He looked at me with a shy smile and shrugged his heroism off as he simply replied, “You would have saved MY baby if you needed to.”

I think of him still to this day and hope that life will be kinder to them. That he feels worthy and “good enough” after saving a little boy’s life.

I’ve attended thousands of births — witnessed the first breath, the miracle of life, as a new family is born. I’ve seen the most ordinary people change profoundly with the birth of their baby and I love that I got to witness those sacred moments few ever do.

That day at the lake reminded me that the connection doesn’t end at the last postpartum visit. It lives on. It threads its way into the lives of these people that we touch. It’s in the way they bond with their baby, parent their children, and even how they are as life partners. It’s a ripple effect that is far more reaching in ways we may never fully see… until later, it circles back to remind us.

I am forever grateful to “Scott.” I shudder when I think of how different our lives would have been if my son had tragically died that day.

Life altering. Devastating. It is indeed “unthinkable.”

“Scott” may not have seen himself as a hero, but I would like to think God does. I know I certainly will, until the day I die.

Because he didn’t simply save my son. It’s because he showed up when no one else did. Because he ran toward the panicked screams of my daughter.

Toward the chaos, toward the little boy laying lifeless on the ground. Then he answered with determined courage.

To save a life that he did not need to.

It is true, some stories don’t end. They circle back with grace.